xmas stars

xmas stars

Saturday, 25 February 2012

Time to LISTEN

OK for a while now I've been feeling really low and doubting myself as a mum i know friends don't understand what emotion's you go through having a swan child and no matter how hard you try you can not switch off certain feelings it's easy for people to sit and tell you what you should and shouldn't do and say and when your head's in a mess after 2 yrs plus of no sleep no time to self worry confusing info overload etc etc there is going to come a time without you realising that you've lost the old you recently I've been feeling quite hurt by some friends and the manor in which they've spoken to me they've made me feel so small it's not worth me being here , for the past year my minds all over on the outside people think I'm happy and fine but on the inside i spend days walking around in a daze and even spend time crying to myself over something someone may have said but because i wont let my mask slip in front of certain people they just think I'm OK and if i wonder off my normal path for a while and spend time doing different thing's that I've turnt my back on who i am this is not the case at school i spent years on my own in the playground school was a sad place for someone with no confidence and who was quite and shy i went through bulling everyday and through out my adult life with different people i was to scared to stand up to but not now i now have to stand strong and be proud of who i am and what i can achieve the most important people in my life are my children and my hubby followed by my mum. I know at times people may feel let down by me and the things i do but I'm sorry I'm only human and I'm not wonder woman the poem below springs to mind at present maybe instead of people getting all funny maybe try to talk to me ask how i really feel but then STOP and LISTEN to what I'm saying DON'T but in and tell me your point of view just LISTEN being a swan parent without the answers we spend are life being spoke down to and there does come a time when we get fed up with those who know more or better than us and maybe not on purpose or sometimes without realising we might snap or turn are back but maybe that's the time to stop and think hey are they really OK because more than likely they will say yes but deep deep inside the answer maybe no i know in life everyone has there only problems and maybe i have not stopped and helped or listened to people that might have needed me and for that I'm sorry. So now thanks to the support of some fab people I'm ready to pick my self back up from the low I'm feeling i will try and ignore those that talk down to me and think they know better I'm proud of who i am as a doctor told me last week I'm doing a fab job through some very hard times and i am only human i will keep fighting for my son i will do my best to make this hard process easy for my other 4 stars i will do my best to carry my hubby as he still grieves for the loss of his mum whist trying to find time to do the things that help me carry on and make me feel good about my self and if by any of what I've said it's offended anyone maybe read it again in till you realise all i needed was someone to LISTEN to me not answer me and tell me there point's of view i know peoples points of view but for us swan mums the biggest thing we need is someone to LISTEN

Walk a mile in my shoes
see what i see
feel what i feel
hear what i hear
then and only then can you judge
why i do the things i do

1 comment:

  1. Claire, I know you've been having a rough time of it recently and I really feel for you. People can't possibly understand what you are going/have gone through, because they are not living your life. It is very hard to step back, take a deep breath and tell yourself that they don't matter. I have had similar concerns about friends recently - not so much that they've said awful things but that they just don't 'get it' and I feel, don't give the support that I in turn would give them. I am trying very hard not to get upset and to appreciate the people that do support me - family. It's not easy. But you've got through worse and you will get through this. You are stronger than you realise and you are doing a wonderful job with Tommy and your other four gorgeous children. xxx